EASTER AND THE WEEKEND AFTER

EASTER.... we have main church services at 7:30, 9, and 10:30 am. HIGH SCHOOL WILL ONLY BE MEETING DURING THE 9 and 10:30 hours.

NEXT WEEKEND.... We're on our spring retreat. SO, THEREFORE there will be NO ENCOUNTER on Sunday the 15th.

We'll be back in full swing with SMALL GROUPS ON WED. THE 18TH and on WITH ENCOUNTER ON SUNDAY THE 22nd.

DATING/SEXUALITY Q AND A

This last Sunday in Encounter we had an all Q and A morning. We were finishing our dating/relationships/sexuality series that we do once a year for our high school students. This year it was called, "He loves me, she loves me not." It was the final of 4 weeks.

We had a grip of questions that were turned in on cards from the weeks before. I answered every one of them in a booklet we gave the students that morning which we encouraged them to read and use as a follow up bible study during the week. One of the few mornings where my outlines didn't fill the trash cans!!

I offered some of those same written thoughts- verbally- to hopefully spark some interest in them to read the whole thing later at home. Instead of a formal adult leader panel discussion up front on these same questions, we had leaders speak from their table where they were in the room to the entire group as Sarah and I facilitated the discussion. We were trying to engage their questions in a conversation with them. Not preach our dissertation to them. I think it worked.

I also interviewed a girl in our ministry who has been coming every week during this series who is 8 months pregnant. You could have heard a pin drop. It was both hard to hear her story and a GREAT testimony to the grace of God for a young woman who is trying her best to turn around mistakes she says she's made and some that others have made around her that have HUGE consequences for her. I was SO proud of her. I was so PROUD of our students for clapping in support of her keeping this baby and staying in youth group. It took GIANT guts to share what she shared and in her own words- no notes- just her heart, which allowed me to share mine with our group and remind all of us to create and embody a place where ALL students are welcome to seek Jesus and embraced here by God's people.

It was a day where I was proud to be a youth pastor. I felt like we touched on real needs, challenged students to consider where God can meet them, and let their voices be heard.

Here's the questions they asked. They speak volumes about the world teens live in today. We broke them up into 3 categories: Relationships, Sexuality, and Christian dating. [If you want the answers I wrote to them...you can come by Encounter this Sunday and pick them up.... or just look at the contact info in the sidebar and shoot me an e-mail and I'll send you a PDF of them... it's too much to post here (18- half page's worth). ]

RELATIONSHIPS

1. In the 7th and 8th grade my best friend ever was having an intense sexual relationship with a senior in high school. I was there for her through all the pain. Every night she would cry to me on the phone about their problems and how she loved him. I suffered a lot of pain through their relationship and I can imagine many people are going through or gone through this. How can you help out a friend who is going through this and help yourself?
2. Why do you think people cheat?
3. Best way to get over a guy/girl?
4. How do you stay proud to be single when all your friendships are in “relationships”
5. How is it that people don’t realize that relationships, at this point in our life, are just NOT NEEDED?

SEXUALITY

1. If we have already had sex, should we stay out of relationships till we’re married because we might be too tempted to have sex again. Only if I wanted to stop!
2. Is it true that it is harder to be pure when you’ve had sex before than it is when you’ve never had sex before? Why? -Curious.
3. How do you tell your homophobic grandma you’re bi or maybe homosexual? This may not go with the lesson, but I would like help.
4. I’m a girl. So is it immoral to want to have sex, and possibly fall in love with another girl?
5. If I was raped when I was 14, am I still a virgin?
6. If you are raped and get pregnant, is it ok to get an abortion?
7. After being raped, I have never really gotten the help I need. What are some things I could do to overcome this pain, anger, and frustration?
8. How far is too far?
9. If you say no to sex, is it wrong to say yes to other things?

CHRISTIAN DATING QUESTIONS

1. What does equally yoked mean? And when do you know two people are? The person I’m dating became a Christian a couple of months ago. We both have prayed about dating and we both didn’t get clear answers.
2. When or how do you know you are equally yoked? I find it hard to be serious and pray with my girlfriend but we are fine praying alone about whatever… any advice?
3. Why is sexuality in our society so twisted by the media?
4. I always hear the bible verse, “do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” How do I know when it desires?
5. How do you glorify God while dating?

DATING SERIES #3- DRAMA FREE LOVE

This week we talked about how to make a relationship Drama-free. This means a relationship that doesn't have a bunch of gossip, regret, and selfishness at it's core. One that is healthy and encouraging and fun is the goal. As we entered our discussion, here's some things we reminded the students were "premises" we held to that shaped the discussion.

Premise 1: My sexuality and my soul are inseparable.


Premise 2: Dating leads to marriage. Prediction: Someday, you will marry someone you dated. None of you will end up in an arranged marriages.

Premise 3: Dating, involves sexual attraction. Biblically speaking, sex, and most of what leads to it, was designed by God for marriage, not for dating.

Premise 4: The Bible has ZERO uses of the word “dating” in its pages.

Premise 5: If you want principles on dating from the Bible, your only option therefore is to examine texts that deal with pre-married individuals, or couples with sexual attraction in the mix, and apply it to dating.

Premise 6: The “relationship drama” that is common to dating and even marriage, can be avoided by following a Biblical model for relationships with sexual attraction in them.


After clarifying those statements, we then discussed the following 5 observations we got from Proverbs Chapter 5 on relationships:

1. LISTEN TO THE GOD FOCUSED VOICE OF EXPERIENCE- IT WILL SAVE YOU A LOT OF HEART ACHE AND DRAMA. (prov 5:1-2, 7)

QUESTION: Who or what influences my dating choices?

Rate the following from 1 to 10. 1 being most influential, 10 being least.

• Friends
• TV, Movies, Music
• Ads and Magazines
• Bible or Faith
• Godly couples
• Parents
• My own experiences
• Fear of STD’s or pregnancy
• Other cultures around the world
• Internet, myspace, online groups

2. GUARD YOUR SEXUALITY. DATE THE PERSON WHO GUARDS YOURS TOO. RUN FROM THE ONE WHO SEPARATES YOUR SEXUALITY FROM YOUR SOUL. (prov 5:3-6)

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality.

James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

QUESTION: How much of my self worth is tied to the image I have of my body? How much sexual expression do I want to save for marriage? How much do I hope my future spouse has saved? Is this my plan I hope God likes or His plan that I’m choosing to embrace?

3. BE DISCIPLINED IN YOUR DATING HABITS. SAY NO OFTEN. USE YES WISELY AND CAREFULLY. YOUR REPUTATION WILL SPEAK FOR YOU. (prov 5:8-14)

QUESTION: What kind of history and reputation do I want my dating life to create? If my dating life starts to get ungodly, am I prepared to dump my date?

4. REMEMBER THE GOAL IS A GREAT, GODLY, SATISFYING, MARRIAGE AND SEX LIFE. HOLD OUT FOR IT. (prov 5:15-20)

QUESTION: Will I wait for Godly sexual intimacy or will I give it away in the “public square” of dating?

5. DRAMA FREE DATING IS DONE IN FULL VIEW OF GOD. SEEK TO HONOR GOD IN EVERY DATING EXPERIENCE. (prov. 5:21-23)

QUESTION: Is my dating life moving me closer to, or farther from my relationship with God? If I am disconnected from God, why would my dating life be any different? What do I need to do to get/stay connected with God?

DATING SERIES- this is Ludicrous

This last weekend we looked at the negative side of sexuality. We tried very hard to help students understand that, if handled wrong, it produces some horrible regrets. We looked at a classic passage of scripture in Genesis 19, but not as an instruction of anything but what NOT to do and more importantly... WHY they did not want to go there.

We started with the Ludacris song in the post below. We noted this conclusion about the chorus: "Runaway Love is like a Runaway Train- reckless and sure to cause a lot of damage to a lot of people. " We also interacted on these 4 questions.



We then discussed these 2 things about the Bible:

1. The Bible is not “historical fiction”. It is, in part, a record of the good as well as the very evil acts of those who claimed to be following God and some who clearly did not. (Luke 1;1-4)
2. The Bible is not “irrelevant today, especially to our sexually charged culture” It is much needed today.
   

After examining how badly EVERYONE in Genesis 19 messed up the idea of Healthy Sexuality, we examined Romans 12:2 and 1:18-28 to the following 5 conclusions about Thinking different: the road to avoiding regret.

1. DON’T’ JUST FEEL, THINK! A lot of pain in our world has been caused by poor sexual choices. (We looked at the content of this website to experience the pain of what happens when we just feel our way through our decisions without thinking them through.)


2. THINK ABOUT TOMMORROW, NOT JUST TODAY: Sexual choices have multi-faceted consequences- both in this life and the life to come.
   


3. THINK IMPACT: Sexual choices rarely only affect the people immediately involved in the choice.


4. THINK GODLY: The Bible’s commands for how to behave sexually are not made up by an sex-hating, anti-fun, prude of a God who has chastity at the center of His concerns. They actually are designed to produce a great, Godly, healthy, satisfying sexual experience.

This week we'll look at Proverbs 5 and seek to find some clues about how to experience the joys of sexuality as God has designed it to be expressed.

THIS IS LUDACRIS

This weekend will be part 2 of our dating series. We're going to analyze the lyrics of a Ludacris and Mary J. Blidge song about the pain caused, at least in part, by sexuality that is controled by someone other than God.

Here's the song if you want to preview the weekend:

DEFUNKING SOME FUNKY IDEAS

This last weekend we started a new series that will last 3 or 4 weeks on sexuality and dating and relationships that involve those two things. It's called "He loves me, She loves me not".


This week we were trying to dispell some commonly held myths.

MYTH #1: MY SOUL AND MY SEXUALITY ARE SEPARATE.

TRUTH= They are inseparable. (see Matt 15:17-20 and 1 Cor. 6:15-20)


MYTH #2: SEX IS ABOUT SEX.

TRUTH= No, it’s about directing all of my sexual passions with purity. (See 1 Tim 4:12, Ephesians 5:3)


MYTH #3: SEXUAL SINS ARE THE MOST HORRIBLE OF SINS.

TRUTH = all sin is a perversion of God’s Truth. God doesn't have categories. (Romans 3:23-24)


MYTH #4: THE IMAGES WE GET OF SEXUALITY FROM POP CULTURE ARE NORMAL.

TRUTH= you rarely, if ever, see normal behavior or healthy images of sexuality in the media. (See 2Cor. 11:14 and Proverbs 5:1-8)


MYTH #5: WE’RE JUST DATING.

TRUTH= Dating is the beginning of a road that ends in marriage. Don’t take it for a joy ride. Respect the finishline.


MYTH #6: MY SEXUALITY CAN NEVER BE WHOLESOME AND BEAUTIFUL AGAIN.

TRUTH= all sin is redeemable through Jesus. (see 1 thessalonians 4:1-7, 1 John 3:1-3, and Rom 6:23)

OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN PART 4

This weekend was part 4 of our series on breaking bad habits. This weeks title:

AN OUNCE OF HUMILITY GOES A LONG WAY.

Here's an introductory summary of what we talked about:

By now, if you’ve been in this series, you should be well aware that sometimes you make mistakes... and sometimes, some of them are habitual. The pattern we find ourselves stuck in is usually... though we don’t like it.... called an addiction.

Truth is, we all have addictions. Some of us are addicted to procrastination. For others it might be pessimism or anger or gossip or lust or porn or food or hatred or judgementalism or drugs or video games or money or myspace or __________. But no matter what our addiction we know at least 3 things about it:

1. They are habits that we recognize as unwanted, but are hard to change.

2. They do not change until we humbly come to grips with the truth that they are a controlling problem and that we are totally done with continuing in them.

3. They not only hurt us, but they hurt others too.

... that last one is a doozy. We like to believe that our problems are just that... OURS and they don’t affect others. Problem is... it’s not true. Our decisions- both good and bad- impact those around us.... Today we’re going to examine how and what we should do about those downstream from our poor choices.

THESE THOUGHTS RUN PARALLEL TO STEPS 7 AND 8 OF THE 12 STEPS TO RECOVERY:

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.


FROM THERE, WE LOOK AT THE STORY OF ZACCHAEUS IN LUKE 19:1-10. WE GAVE SOME BACKGROUND INTO WHY THE ROLE OF CHIEF TAX COLLECTOR WAS SO HATED AND HOW IT IS THAT ZACCHAEUS GOT TO BE SO WEALTHY, THEN WE MADE THESE OBSERVATIONS ABOUT ZACCHEUS:

• He wants to be with Jesus
• He intentionally makes a move towards Jesus.
• He responds immediately to Jesus’ words.
• Neither his response, nor the response of Jesus is popular with the society around them.

WE TALKED ABOUT HOW THESE ARE ALSO TRUE OF US WHEN WE WANT TO SEE GOD BRING ABOUT REAL CHANGE IN US. WE ALSO NOTICED THAT ZACCHAEUS' RESPONSE TO JESUS HAD SOME BACKGROUND TO IT. HE HAD OBVIOUSLY BEEN THINKING ABOUT HIS OWN LIFE BEFORE MEETING JESUS, THUS THE REPENTANCE. THEREFORE, WE TOO NEED TO:

1. Examine myself first. (matt 7:1-5)
   
2. Humbly confess my own failures. (James 4:6-10)

(we then gave students a time to examine themselves and confess some sins on cards during a 4 song worship set and place them in baskets up front under a cross. Lots of students did this. It was in part, a response to this song we also played that morning by a secular band that we made some observations about their lyrics and this song from)



AFTER WORSHIP, WE MADE THESE TWO OBSERVATIONS:

When I become aware of my own sin I need to:

• Seek to fix relationships I've wounded with my own sin. Here we noted that Zacchaeus does what is physically necessary to reflect his inner spiritual change. (Rom 12:16-18, Matt 5:23-24)
  

When someone who is aware of their own sin, seeks forgiveness from me:

• Forgive those who have hurt me. Here we noted that Jesus responded to Zacchaeus by giving what is spiritually necessary in response to his physical life change. (Matt 6:14-15)
  

OOPS I DID IT AGAIN PART 3

This weekend we continued in our 3rd message in a series of messages on the 12 steps to overcoming bad habits. I'll post them here weekly so you can stay up to date with what we're talking about. The full outline with scripture and such is what we passed out to students in service. They also, as always, get a follow up bible study on the back of the outline too. Today's message was titled:

WE ALL NEED COMMUNITY

A BASIC OVERVIEW OF WHERE THE MESSAGE IS HEADED:

Lies. There are lots of lies we tell ourselves that we’d really like to believe:

• If I had a little more money, I’d be happy.
• If I had a body like so and so, I’d be content.
• I could win the lottery. -Ok.. so that’s not a total lie, but it’s more lie than truth.

Anyway... one of the lies we like to tell ourselves is that we can solve our problems on our own. That we don’t need anyone else to help us get out of the rut we find ourselves in. Oops... I won’t do it again is what we tell ourselves.

However... not only is this a lie that hurts us, it hurts those around us too. When we do not open up our lives to others, it only keeps them from opening up to us. As a result, we all feel the need to keep faking it, acting like we have it all put together when we don’t- for fear that others might “find out”. It’s an ugly lie.

Reality is: WE ALL NEED COMMUNITY. Real community. Real faith, really lived out like the Encounter Banner Says... trust us. It says it. Faith Lived Out. That cannot happen if we bury our problems. It won’t change us individually or collectively, and that is a horrible idea.. Real change starts with you AND me

The 2 of the 12 steps we were examining this week were these:

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. We’re entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

THIS PASSAGE PRETTY MUCH SAYS IT ALL:

Prov. 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

Prov. 28:13 You can’t whitewash your sins and get by with it; you find mercy by admitting and leaving them. (message paraphrase)


HERE'S THE BULK OF THE MESSAGE:

WE CANNOT CONQUER BAD HABITS ALONE. WE TRULY DO NEED COMMUNITY HELP.

Confession is not just a private help, it a prerequisite to healthy community.

3 Benefits of not keeping our struggles a “private matter”:

1. We no longer feel alone
2. Guilt cannot grow when we have nothing to hide. Sin does not grow in the light, but it flourishes in the dark.
3. Our commitment level rises because our risk level went up a notch or two also.

We spent some considerable time examining the prostitute who comes clean with her problems with Jesus and before the religious leaders of the day in Luke 7. We talked about how she was broken, repentant, and fully aware of her own sinful condition and contrasted it with those who thought they had it all together instead.

WE CANNOT CONQUER BAD HABITS WITH VISIBLE CHANGES, IGNORING THE MAIN ROOT CAUSE(S): (CONFESS AND RENOUNCE)

3 bad habit crushing actions of those who are truly done with sin.

1. Sincere personal regret.
2. Daily sacrifice.
3. Anticipation for a better tomorrow.